


I'm Totally Straight, Guys

by orphan_account



Category: Heathers (1988), Heathers: The Musical - Murphy & O'Keefe
Genre: F/F, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Nobody is Dead
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-15
Updated: 2017-06-15
Packaged: 2018-11-14 07:20:41
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,024
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11203149
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Heather Chandler needs a fake girlfriend.  Veronica agrees.  What could possibly go wrong?





	1. 1,000 Dollars

"Hey, I'm back with the eggs," she called, carefully setting down the grocery bag on the counter. She didn't get a response, but the flurry of laughter from the other room was enough to assure her that Heather was alive and well. She sighed, grabbing her backpack and calling to nobody in particular, "I'm gonna go study at the library, be back in an hour or so." She was almost out the door when Heather Chandler's voice floated in from the bedroom.  
"Wait. Come in here a minute." Veronica sighed again, wondering why on earth this particular Heather was in her apartment, and why she wanted anything to do with Veronica. Sure, Heather McNamara was her flatmate, and sure, the Heathers were still friends, but they weren't as tightly-knit as they were in high school, and they certainly didn't hang out at Veronica's tiny apartment. Did they?  
"Hello? We're not getting any younger in here."  
Veronica was snapped out of her own thoughts by Heather Duke's lilting, albeit slightly aggravated, voice.  
"Fine. But I can't leave Martha hanging at the library, make it quick."  
She dropped her bag back onto the table and pushed open the door to Heather McNamara's room, revealing all three Heathers sitting on the bed.  
"Well, I'm here. Shoot away."  
Chandler stood up, squinting at Veronica as if appraising a piece of jewelry. "She'll do, I suppose."  
"Do for what? I'm in the room, and I'm clearly a central part of this conversation, so act like it!"  
Heather bit her lip, taken aback at Veronica's boldness. She quickly regained her composure, though, straightening up and taking a deep breath before continuing in a much more civil manner.  
"Alright, so here's the deal. I may have told my parents... something that wasn't quite true. And now they expect... certain things from me. So I need you to make the thing that I said true."  
"I'll bite. What do you need me for?"  
"I may have told them I had a partner. And they expect me to bring home said partner for Christmas."  
"And? What does that have to do with me? There's thousands of boys who would kill to be your fake date or whatever."  
Heather inhaled deeply, plastering on a smile and barely concealing an eye roll. "Veronica, love, I came out to them last year."  
"You came out- wait, you're gay? You?"  
Heather waved a hand, as if to dismiss Veronica's concerns. "Yep. Figured it out in eighth grade, came to terms with it in twelfth. Anyway, I need a girlfriend. Just for Christmas."  
"Well, then go find a girlfriend! I don't see why you're telling me this. It's not like we're friends or anything!"  
Heather looked shocked, and Veronica wasn't sure whether it was because of the 'friends' thing or simply because she had never been stood up to before. For a split second, her façade crumbled, and she glanced to the other Heathers for- what, encouragement? Advice? They didn't react, though, and Heather turned back to Veronica, almost panicked.  
"No, I told them that we met in high school. It has to be someone who knows Westerburg really well. And no," she continued, picking up on Veronica's indignation, "it can't be Duke or McNamara because my parents already know them. So that's why I need you."  
The realization dawned on Veronica all at once. "No. Nonononono. I can't- I'm not- I'm straight! Get someone else to do it, I won't--"  
Heather cut her off. "A thousand dollars."  
"Wait, you'll pay me?"  
"I need a girlfriend, don't I?"  
Veronica paused. Sure, Heather was a bitch, and sure, they hadn't gotten along, but she could sense Heather's desperation, and hell, for a thousand dollars she could be gay for a week. Not for real, of course. It was make-believe. Pretend. "Fine, I'll do it. One thousand bucks."


	2. Corn Nuts

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologies for the long break. I wasn't doing great, I'm back to my usual self again (or at least, more so than a month ago) and ready to write some gay fake-dating au. Let's work on this bitch.

The bags were packed, the trunk was loaded, and the tension was palpable. Sure, Heather and Veronica knew each other, but their high school careers had been full of animosity to say the least. Veronica was beginning to see the weight of the lies she was about to tell. Sure, she was helping out-- a friend? an acquaintance? and getting payed for it, but to keep up such an intricate lie would be hard. She hadn't thought about it, hadn't figured out what she was going to say. It terrified her.

"Jesus Christ. Plain corn nuts? Who are we, heathens?" 

They were stopped at a gas station, and Veronica had just been made to buy Heather Chandler, the mythic bitch, corn nuts. Apparently, the wrong type of corn nuts. 

"Fuck if I know what type of corn nuts you want! I don't know the first damn thing about you!"

The words fell from her mouth before she could stop them, and she paused for a second, frozen in the fear that Heather was about to destroy her popularity, make her into an outcast. It was a moment before she realized that she wasn't in high school anymore. Heather had no real sway over her - so why did she still feel as if Heather was the boss? She looked back up, breathing heavily, and was surprised to find that instead of anger, Heather seemed to be something closer to sad. 

"No. You don't," she said, her tone short. Clipped. Unpolished. If Veronica didn't know better, she'd think that Heather was close to tears. "You don't know anything about me. Fuck, why did I think you could do this?"

"No. What? This isn't my fault! Don't blame me for your seeming lapse in judgment!" Veronica was angry, but more than that, she was tired - tired of the accusatory stare she was being given, tired of feeling like a pawn in Heather Chandler's game of chess. But a thousand dollars were at stake, and no matter how much she hated Heather, she couldn't pass it up. Or was it something other than the money, perhaps, that made her anger fade? 

It didn't really matter. She, Veronica Sawyer, was going to be Heather's girlfriend. For a week. She got into the car, muttering apologies and platitudes.

**Author's Note:**

> sorry that this is short. i can't write long chapters to save my life


End file.
